It’s funny – not too long ago, I thought I was fated to stay in Edinburgh. Between applying for an EU passport and getting sponsored by my work, I was presented with not one, but two potential avenues to remain in the UK. Personally and professionally, everything in my life seemed to fall together in an almost serendipitous way over the past two years here.
I thought the EU passport and sponsorship were a certainty – if not one, at least the other. But then suddenly, both options fell through: my work wasn’t able to sponsor me, and my Hungarian citizenship application required documentation that I didn’t have. Just like that, my dreams of staying in the UK, and the life I’d built for the past two years, began to disintegrate.
It’s amazing how quickly your entire life can unravel.
The past few weeks have been tumultuous, to say the least. I’m finding it really difficult to accept that, in less than a month, I’ll have to lose a job I love, say goodbye to amazing friends, end a relationship, and leave this city that I adore.
I’m not done with Edinburgh yet – although I doubt I’ll ever truly feel ready to leave this city. And, to be honest, the thought of moving back home terrifies me. It wasn’t until I moved abroad that I realized how unhappy I was there, how unfulfilled I felt in various aspects of my life. Edinburgh changed me in many ways, and I don’t want to go back to being the person I was two years ago.
For the first time in my life, I’m filled with a sense of dread and fear at the thought of the future. I didn’t expect to build a life here, or progress in my career, or establish such good friendships. I never guessed I’d end up wanting to stay longer than two years, I never imagined it’d be this hard to leave.
I’m trying to focus on the positives of moving back to Canada, trying to relish in the excitement of the unknown and the possibilities, but I’m really struggling at the moment. Only one recurring thought has been dominating my mind lately: what the hell am I going to do now?
Have you ever been scared to go back home? How did you adjust to life at home after living abroad?